The Mergenthaler Family

Rick and I aren’t incredibly decisive people. At least, not about little things like dinner or date night. We go back and forth with, “I don’t know, what do you want?” until one of us makes something happen. We are much better about big decisions, but still take time to weigh the options, consider ramifications, pray, and wait for answers. But when the answers come, the dithering is done. We set our feet on the path and start walking.  Rick’s acceptance of an offer to work at Penn State came after a long period of consideration, but once we knew it was right to move, we got to work. We had a destination, so we walked toward it. Our biggest unknown has been when to sell our home here in Tucson. Back in September, the real estate market was hot. Demand for houses—even those in our price bracket—was higher than supply. We wondered if we should list our house to see if we could catch a buyer. Since Rick would be teaching remotely, he wouldn’t technically have to be living in Tucson to...

 I started a post about avoiding contention, but it just didn't come out how I wanted. So, I began to write about giving our best to others--being kind, looking for common ground, showing up for people in their suffering. But it wasn't quite right. I wanted to write about helping others to feel seen and heard and loved, but I feel too sad about all of the divisiveness, contention, and sickness in the world, and I’m not sure of the right way to help. There are a lot of issues to discuss lately—politics, religion, racism, immigration, health care—honestly, almost anything can turn into a debate. When I feel a discussion brewing, I suddenly remember the laundry that needs to be switched  or the plants that need watering. Lately, the kids always have clean underwear and my plants are growing like weeds. I feel guilty about my need to disappear during these discussions because it's not like I don't have opinions to share, and I do like to be educated about relevant issues. I...

        When Gavin was born, we knew he would probably be our last baby. This isn’t because we didn't think we could handle more children or because we finally wanted our "freedom," but because my life and health would be in serious danger. My age and history of pregnancy complications including four miscarriages, placenta previa, pre-eclampsia, and emergency c-section have increased my risk. My body has been through a lot to get these children here--not to mention the spiritual and emotional distress accompanying each challenge along the way.       Raising our children has been a joy--not always blissful, but still worth every sacrifice. There have been multiple times during this pandemic that I have felt grateful for our full house---more noise, more interaction, more messes, and more work, but "more" is a blessing in a time when people feel particular stress about less--less interpersonal interaction, less sports, less toilet paper, less v...

Next week is our fifth week of school (distance learning) and I’m still struggling to find a rhythm. The first day of Kindergarten was rough. Gavin cried, "But I want to go to REAL kindergarten. With a classroom and kids and where I see my teacher!" Last week, Gavin had his 5-year old checkup. The doctor asked if he was going to school. Gavin said, "Yes. Well, not actual real school because of coronavirus, but maybe, one day, when it's safe, we can go." That kid! It's weird to hear 10-year-old words come from a 40-pound kindergartener.  I don't have first-day of school pics. I could blame the wretched virus because everything is the virsus's fault, right? But not this. I don't have first-day pictures because I always forget to take them and if I remember and pull out my phone to snap some pictures, it feels forced and unnatural and my kids don't want to pose and I don't want to fight. This is what I do have: I dared Ricky to go to school...

Sometimes our house feels chaotic. With nine people, it can get loud.  But even when it’s quiet, my brain feels loud and I know the kids probably feel the same way. We are balancing complicated schedules--five drivers with three cars, jobs, grocery shopping, medical and dental appointments. Add to that the uncertainty of what school will be like in the fall or if we can travel on Christmas break. We’re missing our usual stress relievers like team sports and hanging out with friends. The built up stress and energy gets funneled into futile bickering and ridiculous bids for attention that become hurt feelings. Fights and chaos happen even when everything is “normal” but when they’re not, little things become big annoyances. Last week, several items were missing around our house: Ricky’s retainers Brooklyn’s glasses Andrew’s basket for clothing storage Makayla’s air pods Emily’s Wendy’s t shirts Emily's earphones Rick's earphone -- only one of them, but the important...