The Mergenthaler Family

 How's your summer going? Summer in Pennsylvania is soooo green and warm and lovely, but no matter where the Mergenthalers live, a phrase the young Mergs hear often is, "Do something active." They have heard it so often that it has now become a justification for screen time: "But, Mom, I did something active." As if we need a carefully calculated ratio of active to non-active pursuits. For example, if you eat vegetables (ewww), you can have a treat (yay). I have heard that justification around here, too. There is a theory in psychology called the compensation effect, which refers to the tendency for people to assume they accumulate moral capital. In other words, performing good deeds balances out the bad, or it's appropriate to give ourselves "breaks" from goodness, like a piece of chocolate, as a reward for completing undesirable tasks. I'm afraid something about my parenting patterns over the years has instituted this sort of transactional be...

From "Letters from the Nest." June is flying by, and we’re already forming summertime habits. Some of those habits are great--swim practice, chores in the morning, library visits, quiet reading, playing outside, and evening basketball. Other habits are less delightful--staying up too late, watching the new Doctor Who series (soooo weird), picking on each other (not a new habit, but still annoying), saying, “I’mmmm booooorred.” (ewww. Just EWW!). Most years, I approach the summer with a bit of dread. Not because I don’t like summer—I welcome the heat and humidity like a cozy blanket—but because I have high hopes for how things will go, and I don’t want to be disappointed. I have been thinking about you, dear nestlings, lately. Well, actually, not lately. Always. There isn’t a time when one of you is not in my thoughts--sometimes right up in front, sometimes in the background. How are you feeling? What are you wondering about? What are your hopes for the summer? What do you wor...

 Article from "Letters From the Nest," May 17, 2024 Last Sunday, we celebrated Mother’s Day. I empathize with the spectrum of feelings that people feel regarding their experience with being mothered or mothering. For some, it’s a treasured opportunity to joyfully reminisce. For others, it’s a reminder of devastating loss. Still, others feel indifference or bitterness that they would rather not think about. Often, expectations are high, and disappointments abound. Any time an event or phrase elicits such varied reactions, it’s a clue that emotions run deep and varied. I have known many of these varied Mother’s Day emotions. Two of my past Mother’s Days are associated with the physical and emotional pain of miscarriages. One of them, I was recovering from surgery and could not lift our bulky busy toddler. I was on my own at church and did NOT want to be there, but I went anyway so that our little family could be in a good place with good people. Two other Mother’s Days were cel...

I said the 2024 North American Eclipse deserved its own post, so I must follow through. Unfortunately, the words eclipse and glimpse don't actually rhyme, so you're left with a lame title. Logan gets ten thousand gold stars for getting the eclipse on our radar and encouraging us to travel a few hours to the path of totality (it would be 96% totality at home). Rick and I are poor planners regarding sightseeing and impromptu adventures, and I know we have missed out on some really cool experiences because of indifference. Actually, it was not indifference, but more likely, we were living life in survival mode--raising babies and keeping up with responsibilities. Take the 2017 eclipse as an example. Little Gavin and I had driven Emily from our home in Tucson to Provo to help her move into her first college apartment. During the eclipse, Gavin and I were at Target getting necessities while Emily was somewhere else checking other to-do items off our list. The sky turned greenish, an...