From "Letters from the Nest."
June is flying by, and we’re already forming summertime habits. Some of those habits are great--swim practice, chores in the morning, library visits, quiet reading, playing outside, and evening basketball. Other habits are less delightful--staying up too late, watching the new Doctor Who series (soooo weird), picking on each other (not a new habit, but still annoying), saying, “I’mmmm booooorred.” (ewww. Just EWW!).
Most years, I approach the summer with a bit of dread. Not because I don’t like summer—I welcome the heat and humidity like a cozy blanket—but because I have high hopes for how things will go, and I don’t want to be disappointed.
I have been thinking about you, dear nestlings, lately. Well, actually, not lately. Always. There isn’t a time when one of you is not in my thoughts--sometimes right up in front, sometimes in the background. How are you feeling? What are you wondering about? What are your hopes for the summer? What do you worry about? How can I help you? Where do you need to be encouraged? Do you need a push or a hug? Both? Which should happen first? Do you wish things were different? How? Are your expectations and mine realistic?
Your dad and I are always looking for opportunities to foster your growth, and if we cannot be directly involved, we encourage you to keep those doors and windows open in your life. Change is hard. Learning sometimes hurts, but we want that hurt for you more than we want stagnance.
It’s not easy to meet everybody’s varying needs. Sometimes, your opportunities are limited by how much our family as a unit can handle. One aspect of having many little nestlings over sixteen years is that we have been balancing the needs of newborns, toddlers, preschoolers, preteens, and teens for many years. Afternoon nap time used to be a must, but now it’s a delightful opportunity to avoid chores. And once in a while, I take a nap to avoid you.
This summer, we have four of seven living in the nest. The youngest is almost nine years old. Our priorities have shifted, and the time it takes us to care for you physically has decreased, especially now that you mostly dress yourselves and get your food. But we still experience conflicts meeting everybody’s needs, and difficult decisions must be made.
Your dad and I use the information we have gathered over the years and real-time inspiration to help us navigate conflicts inevitable in family life.
Here are some things we know about you. You’re good, funny, resilient, and kind. We watch you care for each other in unique ways. We also see that you know how to hurt each other. We see when you are disappointed or carrying a burden that you would rather just load onto somebody else. We see the potential for miracles and have observed many miracles over the years. We know you very well.
Still, God sees more. He knows you even better than we think we know you. And in His perfection, He loves you more than we do. It doesn’t seem possible, but I know it is.
He also sees us—your parents. The caretakers of the nest work together as a team (most of the time) to provide a healthy environment, but our lives involve tasks outside of parenting. We serve in the church and community. We are responsible for tasks or assignments that have nothing to do with you. We place demands on ourselves to learn, grow, and change. We push ourselves to be better. We get frustrated when we fail. We want to do better and be better.
Sometimes, our opportunities for growth and development conflict with yours, and sometimes they’re integrated. It’s a complicated system!
Know through it all how much you are loved and cherished, not just in the nest but outside it. You are bright lights in a world that so needs your luminescence. Sure, you’ll mess up sometimes. So will we. But that’s how we grow. That’s how we learn. (How many times have I told you that?)
What do I wish for you? An excellent summer. But not too excellent. As in, not too perfect. I want you to meet your goals, but if you don’t, I want you to try. I want you to be successful, but not too successful. Spend time with friends, but not too much. Play some games, but don’t forget about work. Get some sun, but not so much that your skin peels off the following week. Make some money, but not so much that you become careless with it. Look for opportunities to love and serve, but give yourself healthy boundaries so you don’t become resentful. Do you think that’s a good plan?
Okay, I love you. Let’s have a great summer.
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