Get ready for a bit of cynicism. Do you know what I expect to hear after those phrases? But, when, or if. Qualifiers. Excuses.
You know me as a fairly positive person. I mostly assume the best, look on the bright side, and attribute altruistic motives. (You see, I’m not above using qualifiers).
But I have a hard time believing the word try. Why do you have to try? Why not just do the thing you set out to do?
Are you already feeling a knot in your gut? Are you thinking me callous and unloving? Do you think I don’t see your legitimate reasons for failing to meet expectations?
Give me a chance. I’ll come around to a more positive and encouraging perspective, but I want to get this part out first. Here’s what I don’t like about trying: it sounds like you expect to fail or that you believe you already have failed. It’s a way of shifting blame and perpetuating a victim's perspective. Remember those qualifiers? Let’s see them in action with trying.
“I’m trying to finish my homework, but my brother is playing the trumpet too loudly.”
“I tried to study for the test, but the teacher didn’t explain the material.”
“I will try to clean my room when people stop dumping stuff in here that’s not mine.”
That’s victim talk. That’s not taking responsibility. In these cases, can it really be called trying? Because when you say you’re trying and then give excuses for failure, your credibility is lost.
I sense some furtive glances. You’re not happy with my summation of trying? I’m calling you abdicators, weaklings, procrastinators, failures? I hear you reprimanding, “No name-calling, Mom.” You’re right. I don’t think you’re any of those things, anyway. But I sometimes think of myself that way when a task is overwhelming, and I see myself skirting around the challenge, tossing excuses. It’s not easy to acknowledge personal shortcomings. When my shortcomings are highlighted, I want to shake my fist and say, “Can’t you see I’m trying?” Trying is easier, right?
Of course, there is another side to all of this. Trying isn’t always lying and doesn’t always mean you expect failure. Failing isn’t the problem, anyway. You know I don’t care too much about falling short. Remember the baseball analogy? A great batting average means you’re still failing most of the time. It’s worth going for a goal you will probably not reach. I still feel that way.
But I don’t like it when people use trying as a gateway for believing success is impossible. That’s the trying that traps. It says nothing ever works out, you will never move forward, and it’s not your fault because you tried.
I don’t want to hear about people trying. It annoys me!
You think I’m being unfair, and I am if I don’t give an equal voice to the other kind of trying. The kind that allows for imperfection without excuses. This trying implies steady effort and growth. It’s the trying that recognizes the reality of life and the finite nature of our time and energy without allowing our limits to limit us indefinitely.
I’m talking about an earnest and faithful trying that doesn’t blame or justify. It is trying again and again, approaching the end goal slowly and surely with each effortful iteration.
This eager, “I believe” kind of try knows that working for a worthy goal or stepping up to the plate, as it were, implies that you’re going for something that will not be perfect at first but can be eventually.
This trying is expressed in our language without qualifiers. In fact, the word try is sometimes eliminated.
Instead of, “I’m trying to show you love,” it’s “I love you.”
Instead of “I’m trying to run the race,” it’s “I’m running.”
Instead of “I’m trying to be a good person,” it’s “I am a good person.”
That’s the kind of trying I like. Of course, we’re not perfect yet. Of course, all we can do is try, but when we focus on excuses instead of growth, we become stagnant. How about this? Believe, achieve, grow, seek, become, love, lift, run, hope, DO. Don’t let your imperfections or limitations swallow you whole. Don’t look for blame-holders. Don’t be tied down by the expectation of failure. We’ve got this.
One last note: You’re not alone in your efforts. You have people who love you here on earth and in heaven. We believe in you. And there is One who is perfect, who loves you perfectly and will provide the exact help you need exactly when you need it. Consider this greater power described in Matthew 11:28-30, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Keep trying. We’ve got this. We are much more than just me and you.
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