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Fond Farewell: KonMari for Life

 Also found at:

https://open.substack.com/pub/lettersfromthenest/p/fond-farewell?r=48qui&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

When you ask me to help you clean your room, I know we’re in for a project because you’re not just asking me to help put things away; you’re asking me to help you get rid of things so your space is easier to manage. When I have the time and energy, I love this job.

To prepare for the decluttering, we will get two trash bags--one for actual garbage and one to hold donations. Then, one item at a time, I will ask, “Can we say goodbye to this?” If the answer is no, then we find a good place to keep the item so that it can be useful to you. If the answer is yes, we evaluate the possible usefulness of the item for somebody else. The garbage bag almost always fills up faster than the donation bag, unless we’re mostly going through clothing.

Does this sound very Marie Kondo to you? Honestly, you younger kids won’t know what I’m talking about, but a quick internet search will tell you what you need to know. Marie Kondo is an organizing consultant and author of “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up.” When I read her book about ten years ago, I felt I had a good grasp of what it meant to keep a tidy house. We did a pretty good job keeping up with the “family sludge.” But, ten years later, as some of you leave the nest and our lives get less “sludgey,” I can see a couple of themes I have taken to heart: gratitude and release.

Kondo introduces the idea of gratitude and respect for belongings through object personification. In my book review from over ten years ago, I wrote, “Some of her talking to her house and pretending belongings have feelings is a little weird.” What? Was that me? I talk to inanimate objects all of the time. When I move a plant, I ask it if it will be happy in its new space. When I shelve a book, I tell it I will visit it later. When I fold my head into the pillow at night, I thank it for blocking out the sounds of the night. (By the way, I literally fold my head into the pillow. Did you know that? Like a sandwich. It only works with a floppy king-size pillow.) I guess ten years ago, I didn’t think of things that way, but a little personification goes a long way in encouraging gratitude and respect for the objects that make my life easier. The stuff I keep around isn’t just stuff if it has a purpose. Anyway, I kind of like the Beauty and the Beast castle vibe. It brings a sense of joy into my life, even if it is a little weird.

Second, the idea of release. Surely you have heard the KonMari phrase, “Does this spark joy?” She encourages people to assess each item in their space and ask that question. If the answer to the question is no, she encourages a grateful release. She uses the word joy in much the same way that we do when we differentiate it from pleasure or happiness. Joy is not short-lived. It’s deeper. Joy implies utility, growth, and purpose.

When we go through the stuff in your room, and I ask, “Can we say goodbye to this?” you usually can think of a reason to keep or discard. No — it doesn’t fit anymore. Yes--I like how that smells. No--I don’t play with that toy. Yes--that’s still my favorite band. When we finish decluttering your room, you will have all the items you want in your space and have cleared away anything that doesn’t serve you anymore. We have a sense of accomplishment, and you have a usable, peaceful space.

Saying goodbye with gratitude isn’t just about decluttering stuff. The idea can be applied to releasing habits or perceptions of ourselves and others that aren’t serving us. Maybe you notice that you tend to be defensive when you receive guidance. Perhaps you harbor resentment toward somebody, or you try to exert control over people or circumstances outside of your stewardship. Everybody has attitudes, ideas, and perceptions that we perpetuate, and in doing so, damage relationships and personal progress. What comes to mind when you think of this? What is cluttering your life? Can you participate in a grateful release?

Don’t get stuck on the idea of gratitude in this circumstance. In the case of unhelpful attitudes or habits, the gratitude you will feel will not be for your participation in dysfunction. Your gratitude will be for the growth you can experience when you release the weight holding you down. Your gratitude will bloom from compassion for yourself and your situation. As you see a new way of being, you can experience joyful momentum that will inspire you to continue “cleaning your room.”

What do you think? Does it seem like an overwhelming project? Is there too much clutter? Or do you think your room is already as clean as it can be? Sometimes, we’re so used to the clutter that it becomes invisible to us until we invite somebody else into our space. Is it like that for you? Maybe you don’t want anybody to help you with your clutter because you’re ashamed of how bad things are. I feel like that sometimes. Don’t be afraid to allow others into your space who will treat you and your clutter with kindness and respect. You know who is really good at this job? Our Savior, Jesus Christ. I’m not spouting a cliche. You know me well enough to know that I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it, and I don’t know of any other way to say it. He sees both the mess and the potential, and unlike me, He’s never too tired or too busy to help you. Don’t be afraid to pray for that help. Ask Him to help you see what sparks true joy in your life and what might be weighing you down, then participate in a grateful release.

Fall in the Sacred Grove October 2025


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