Letters from the Nest
https://open.substack.com/pub/lettersfromthenest/p/jack-of-all-trades?r=48qui&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
There are a few people in my life who seem to excel in nearly any activity they pursue. They’re able to discourse on a variety of subjects, repair appliances, schedule and keep appointments, write sonnets, balance budgets, play instruments, speak languages, construct cabinetry, plumb pipes, and navigate without GPS. You get the gist. Do you know people like that?
Your Grandpa was like that--at least when it came to anything in the science or engineering categories. He was both curious and independent and found satisfaction in planning and executing projects that improved life for his family. He was what some would call a Jack of all Trades.
Do you know this descriptive phrase--Jack of all trades? Scholars think it originated in 16th-century England and was intended as a complimentary term for someone skilled in many crafts. After some time, however, the compliment was degraded with the addition, “master of none.” Have you heard that? Jack of all trades--master of none. Do you think it’s a rude thing to say about a person? Maybe it’s accurate to say that somebody who develops skills in a variety of areas cannot possibly be an expert in any one area, but doesn’t life require variation and expansion of our skills beyond a single pursuit?
I have been thinking about how this applies to parenting. Raising children would certainly require one to be a Jack of all trades. Think about it. I’m not going to give an exhaustive list, but let’s start at the bottom of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs with a newborn baby and see how far we get before this essay becomes boring:
Physiological: These needs include breathing, food, water, shelter, clothing, and sleep. As a parent, you need to know how to provide those things for a helpless newborn. You need to know what, when, how, and how much to feed a baby. You need to keep them clothed — this implies changing diapers and helping them regulate their temperature. This leads to shelter needs — where will you live, how will you keep it heated or cooled, and how will you keep it safe from dangerous elements, including weather and people who intend harm. Providing food and shelter requires resources. How will you obtain these resources? I’m afraid to even broach the subject of sleep within chancla-throwing distance of a new parent. Doing all of this is nearly impossible without some interpersonal skills, such as recognizing feedback, integrating learning, practicing patience, and seeking support.
You see, I’m only scratching the surface. Extend that analysis upward through the hierarchy of needs and forward through a child’s life from infant to adulthood, and you’ll have an extensive list of skills.
What if you decided you wouldn’t be the kind of parent who was a Jack of all trades? What if you chose to specialize in, say, shelter? What would be the cost to the child?
For parents, being a Jack (or Janice, haha) of all trades is not a knock on their lack of specialization. It’s integral to the job description. There are not many things you could specialize in as a parent that wouldn’t lead to some shortfall for your family in another area.
Expanding this from the perspective of parenting to a life view is informative. Making our way successfully through life requires developing a variety of skills. We are indeed individuals with unique talents, interests, and proclivities, but, in essence, we are working toward mastery in similar areas, even if it might look different.
What happens when this piling on of disparate tasks and skill development leads to overwhelming disappointment when you realize you’re doing a lot of work badly?
I felt like that the other day. It seemed like I got everything wrong--even things I was good at. Here’s a list of tasks I’m good at (or at least those for which I have a lot of practice) that went badly:
Getting up on time - I didn’t do it.
Getting you to school - ⅓ of school-aged children made it.
Being on time for meetings - late, late, late all day
Loading the dishwasher - Not sure what went wrong, but the “clean” dishes were dirty
Packing lunches - you didn’t like what was in there
Planning dinner - you wanted pizza
Navigation - missed an exit, which added 20 minutes to travel time (see “being on time for meetings”)
Knowing what to say when you’re upset - I may have done okay on about half of our interactions.
Remembering important stuff - Went to a meeting that wasn’t actually happening for another week.
Not complaining - I complained.
Giving others the benefit of the doubt - again, less than half of the time. I was easily disappointed and frustrated most of the day
Finding missing items - Missing items remain unaccounted for.
Secure Emotional Connection - Too burnt out to see others’ needs and appropriately respond.
I will not continue the list as I’m working on decreasing unnecessary rumination, haha. I guess what I’m saying is life requires a lot of us, and we’re all in development. I can be at ease with describing myself as a Jack of all trades, master of none, because I don’t expect mastery at all things all of the time. Those little failures listed above are the kind of normal daily missteps that everybody experiences. Maybe we can start a trend with the phrase, Jack of all trades, Mistakes allowed, or Jack of all trades, Mastery eventually. Keep trying. Keep learning. Keep practicing. We will get there.
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