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When Things are Okay Even When They’re Not



Zuster Mergenthaler was in a serious car accident last night. She and her companion are not injured, but a man on a motorcycle was thrown off his bike and rushed to the hospital by ambulance. We aren't sure about the details except that Emily was driving and she is very worried for this man.When we talked this morning, she didn't know much about his injuries or prognosis except that he had feeling in his arms and legs and had been conscious. He was transferred to a hospital in Colombia for better care. 

So, right now, things are not okay with Zuster Mergenthaler.

As we talked with her this morning, as I pondered and prayed during sacrament meeting, and as I have talked with Rick about what we can do at this distance to comfort and help her, I have felt over and over that things will be okay even if they're not.

This is not an unfamiliar feeling to me. This past year, Andrew struggled with some health challenges. The lymph nodes in his neck were very swollen and he battled fatigue, headache, fevers, lesions in his throat, and more. For a few weeks, we did not have a diagnosis. Not strep. Not mono. Just a sick, sick kid. Cancer was a concern. He had blood tests and imaging done on his neck. He saw an ENT along with his regular pediatrician. My good friend asked me, "Is he okay? What if he's not okay?" I answered, "He'll be okay, even if he's not." She reminded me that we had a similar conversation a few years earlier when I was pregnant with Gavin.

Gavin's pregnancy was extremely challenging with complications for me and for him. From the time I was diagnosed with placenta previa to when he was delivered by emergency c-section for an irregular heartbeat to his days in the NICU to my admittance to the hospital for postpartum preeclampsia, there were many times we worried that either I or he wouldn't make it. My best friend asked me, "Is your family okay?" I answered. "This is hard and we don't know what will happen, but whatever happens will be the right thing and we will be okay."

A few months later, this best friend was preparing to adopt three young children--a newborn, a 2-year-old, and a 3-year-old. Family and friends were concerned about the trials she would experience with these children who were so close in age. The older two had experienced some trauma and neglect. I was so impressed with her faith to move forward with the adoption when others had doubts. She said, "Every family has challenges. Every child needs nurturing and love. These are my children. They are meant for me and my husband to raise. God knows us and He knows these children. We are their parents and He will help us raise them." In other words, she was telling me that things will be okay even when they're not okay.

Life is not easy. It's not meant to be. Accidents happen, people die, serious illness strikes, and people make mistakes that affect us negatively. Bad things happen to good people. Bad things happen to bad people. Bad things happen, and sometimes we cause bad things.

How do we get through it--especially when we can't see how everything will work out?

Here is what I know--things can be okay even when they're not.

How do I know that? I know some important truths that carry me through. These are the truths I will share with Zuster Mergenthaler as she, her companion, and the man on the motorcycle recover from this horrible accident. I know that even when the worst possible things happen, God loves Zuster Mergenthaler, Zuster Tulaga, and the man on the motorcyle. He knows them. He will help them find a way through the worry, stress, pain, and recovery. I know the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ is crucial to this process. Obedience to temple covenants and the power of the priesthood are also tools that will help in the healing. I also know it's important not to reject the care of doctors, surgeons, and counselors with their expertise; the senior missionary couple who hopped on a plane to Bonaire to help; and the other two sister missionaries in the area who called us to tell us how much they love our daughter and that they'll be there to help through it all.

It's horrible to know that Emily is struggling when she's so far away from us. I worry about the man on the motorcycle.  I worry about how this will affect Zuster Tulaga on her last days in the mission field.  I worry about Emily's upcoming transfer to Suriname.  I worry about her ever having the confidence to drive a car again.  I worry that she will not forgive herself, that she'll have nightmares, or that her health will suffer.  I have a lot of worries. But I also know things will be okay, even when they're not.

I'm going to add Emily's letter from today to the bottom of this post because it has an update:

Hi guys! This week was a little hard. On Saturday, we got into a car accident. Both Zr. Tulaga and I are totally fine, but the other guy is in the hospital in Colombia right now. I am very worried about him and ask for all of your prayers and fasting for his health. He was in a similar accident 3 weeks ago and just got out of a coma on Monday...but it's looking like he will be ok. He is concious (no 2nd coma), has all his limbs, and is talking/moving. That's really all we know about his condition. He was on a motorcycle. The whole accident is really weird and the police and me and Zr. T still aren't sure what happened. I was driving home from our last appointment around 9:15. I slowed to make a left turn when the middle of our car was hit really hard. I remember seeing a flash of light, everything going in slow motion, realizing we'd just hit something, and looking out my window to see someone laying on the ground next to my door. It's a really good thing Zr. T is so tough because I was immediately hysterical. I remember screaming and crying.....and crying and crying and crying. I remember him screaming when they loaded him on the ambulance. It was horrible. The car is completely wrecked; he hit us so hard the front caved in. It's a miracle me and Zr. T don't have a scratch and that he's alive. It's a miracle they were able to fly him to Colombia and that our air bags actually worked. Lots of miracles that night too. I don't really know what to say about it, but I do know a couple things have helped me. I know God is watching over him in Colombia and also me and my comp. I know God has a plan. I know Jesus Christ can heal him. In the words of my mom, I know everything is going to be okay even when it's not okay! And that's because of Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father. Please pray for the man--his name is Jason. I hope you guys have a good week! Love you all.
Zuster Mergenthaler

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