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Questioning Affirmations

Letters From the Nest, April 19, 2024

Dear Children,

A few weeks ago, a poem by Langston Hughes caught my attention. I liked it so much that I spent an unseemly number of minutes searching Etsy and Amazon for a reasonably priced, artsy print of the poem to display in my office.


Dreams

By Langston Hughes

Hold fast to dreams

For if dreams die

Life is a broken-winged bird

That cannot fly.


Hold fast to dreams

For when dreams go

Life is a barren field

Frozen with snow.


I read it, and thought, “Well, isn’t that nice--the way dreams bring joy, hope, and excitement to our lives?”


Later that day, I told your dad about the poem, how much I liked it, and my disappointment at not finding the right way to display it. I read it to him with a dreamy, wistful tone.


He looked like I just asked him to give up eating Guitard milk chocolate chips and said, 

“Well, that’s depressing. Dead bird? Emptiness? I thought you didn’t like cold weather.”


I’m not against feedback or opinions that don’t exactly match my own. Considering the poem again, through his eyes, hmmm, yes, I guess it IS depressing. And I planned to display those words for my daily reference and enjoyment.


Dad’s contrary opinion has me scrutinizing all of the phrases on display around our house. Maybe what I see as reminders to be thoughtful, kind, good, faithful, and patient are actually giving you guys the creeps.


In the kitchen, I see a quote one of you brought home from a lesson with our Bishop, “What is the holiest, most noble thing you can think of?” Thought-provoking. Nice.

Also in the kitchen, Luke 2:52 “ . . . and he grew in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man.” Another good one.


More kitchen quotes: D&C 108:7, “Therefore, strengthen your brethren in all your conversation, in all your prayers, in all your exhortations, and in all your doings.” And President Nelson, “Does gratitude spare us from sorrow, sadness, grief and pain? No, but it does soothe our feelings. It provides us with a greater perspective on the very purpose and joy of life.” Okay, maybe that one isn’t all puppies and rainbows. But it’s not a pathetic bird or wind-ripped tundra.


On our shelves in the family room, I have crafty little phrases on wooden blocks, “You are loved.” “Knowest thou the gift of God?” “Love lives here.” “Together is my favorite place to be.” Kinda cliche, but still meaningful to me.


The phrases on sticky notes around my computer screens get the most attention from me because that’s where I sit, for at least a little while every day, working on seminary lessons, paying bills, and contemplating the big question, “What am I doing with my life?”


I read each one in turn:


“Your work matters, and you are doing a good job. Keep growing. You are noble, strong, and confident.”


“Who do I want to be in the face of this challenge?”


“Do you believe everything will work out?”


“You can get what you want, or you can have something better. Trust God.”


“Where you dig, you’ll find dirt. Where is your focus?”


“Every adversity, every failure, every heartache, carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.”


After thinking Dreams by Langston Hughes was so snappy and inspiring and then learning it’s more likely sad and creepy, I wonder if any of my other office phrases are weird.


Maybe. But I don’t think so. I notice the phrases that really get me the most are those that end in a question mark.


These quiet questions inspire introspection, whereas the simple affirmative statements just are. Statements are inert, but questions push for a response. Questions allow a multi-faceted perspective to take shape.  Questions go deeper and require accountability. Statements are passive while questions are active.

Now that I have noticed the power that questions have, what am I going to do about it? (Ha, another question).


I know I am always working to be a little better and do a little more. I want that for you, too. I want you to recognize your potential and do your best to live up to that potential. How can asking more questions help with this?


Another not-so-happy quote from President Henry B. Eyring goes like this:  “When you realize who you really are, you will be sorry that you didn’t try harder.”

What truths about myself would I rather not know? Why? What possible abilities or opportunities might I be shying away from? What is one thing I can start doing now to achieve my potential? What is one thing I can stop doing? What can I do to know myself better?


And now, I direct the questions to you. What do you want to know about yourself and your potential? Are you brave enough to ask? Will you put in the work to find out, and when you do, how will you move forward with that information?


These are good questions, don’t you think? Guess I better write a few more sticky notes.


Love,

Mom




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