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Fifty Years (Letters from the Nest)

https://lettersfromthenest.substack.com/p/fifty-years

Today is my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary. My sister, brother, and I traveled to Monticello, Utah to surprise them with a visit. 

Except it’s not them. It’s just Mom. She didn’t expect to be a widow. 

But Dad’s death isn’t the death of their marriage. Just because one partner is gone doesn’t mean that all they experienced and created together is gone. Their story of love and forgiveness, cooperation and collaboration, is still alive and thriving. Evidence of eternity rises to the surface even as we process Dad’s temporary physical absence from our lives.

Mom and Dad’s marriage legacy lights up the memories we share as we go through bins and sort things into piles--keep, donate, throw away. It’s not necessarily in the stuff but about the stuff. The physical speaks of the spiritual as we shuffle through Dad’s ID cards from his years as a deputy sheriff or remember long family trips we took together. I sense power, peace, and joy in the photographs and mementos that tell the story of two kids who, over 50 years of marriage, grew up together.

A successful marriage isn’t a perfect one. Without conflict, there is no growth. The Garden of Eden was lovely but also damning. Adam and Eve had to experience the whole spectrum of life in a fallen world. They had actually to choose growth--choose perfection through tribulation. Their questioning, suffering, and intense work to survive molded them.

My husband and I have been married half as long as my parents, and we’re just starting to figure out what it means to learn from and with each other. A successful marriage is about letting your partner show you where your immaturity prevents thriving and then being courageous enough to change in a way that allows for greater closeness and growth.

“Real love asks us to rise above our self-justification and comfort. Real love asks us to grow beyond our self-deceptions and entitlement.  Real love asks us to transcend our egos and act with deeper honesty and courage. 

Truly caring for another, even when we are disappointed and uncertain, takes courage. 

But this is what faith is--the willingness to reach for what is Good even when we are afraid. This courageous love makes our partner stronger, and it will always make us stronger.” (Jennifer Finlayson Fife, “Dr. Jennifer’s Thoughts on Love,” February 14, 2023.

I am witness to such growth in marriage. Weaknesses can become strengths; annoyances can become endearments; love can last. The resulting legacy is worth celebrating—Happy 50th, Mom and Dad. I love you!

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