How Are You? (The Easy Way)

Posted on Letters from the Nest on March 17, 2023

https://lettersfromthenest.substack.com/p/how-are-you

“How are you?” The soothing robotic car voice read the text to me as I drove to either pick up or drop off a kid from an activity or school or work--I can’t remember now because I’m in the “driving years” of parenting.

I don’t usually reply to texts when I’m on the road unless it can be done with a simple voice message. With most people, I’d probably answer this question with, “Good, thank you. How are you?” But the text came from a friend with whom I hadn’t spoken in a while. Since she has been aware of some of my challenges in the past, I didn’t think a superficial answer would do.

So, as I drove, I thought about my response. How was I? Honestly, not great. Functioning, yes. Checking the boxes. Completing the tasks. Showing up at the places. But, really, how was I? Is there such a thing as a high-functioning depressed person?

How could I say things are hard without being whiney? Could I share the weight of my challenges while respecting the privacy of family members experiencing those challenges with me?

Where would I start? Because if I wrote about the lurking shadows, I might also have to go into how they got there and where they came from. But if there were only one reason I sometimes cried myself to sleep at night, maybe I could solve it, and there’d be no need to share.

I should stick with the vague answer—the easy way. I needed something easy.

But a friend was ready to listen, and I could benefit from sharing.

I formulated the text in my mind, “Things have been hard, but I’m learning a lot, and I know it will get better.” Nice. Admit difficulty and exhibit hope. Not too whiney. Not too personal.

With the car safely parked, I pulled out my phone to type the text.

My friend had already sent a follow-up.

“Can you help in the kids’ Sunday school class this week?”

“Sure. I’d love to.”

Comments

Back To School Meanies

Letter From the Nest August 15, 2025 https://open.substack.com/pub/lettersfromthenest/p/back-to-school?r=48qui&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web One August, more than twenty years ago, at an evening book club discussion, my “older” friends (now I look back and know those women were the age I am now), were discussing the woes and triumphs of back-to-school season. One woman was anticipating her youngest child’s senior year of high school. She said, “For more than two decades, our lives have revolved around the school district’s academic calendar. I don’t know how I will plan my life without knowing about school breaks or holidays.” I remember her bittersweet tone as she anticipated freedom from school schedule constraints but also mourned how those constraints guided her choices. What would she do? Other women joined the discussion, wondering if their kids would have good teachers, if they’d be able to balance volunteering in the classroom, how to streamline school supply pu...

My Legacy Stinks

Letters from the Nest https://lettersfromthenest.substack.com/p/my-legacy-stinks Lately, I have been asking you, “What will you do to make Sunday special?” This is me encouraging you in your worship without giving you a prescribed list of things to do. One thing I do differently on Sundays is that I read a Sunday book that’s “different” than the fiction I read during the week. Usually, it’s a religious book, but sometimes it’s an inspiring biography or narrative nonfiction with an uplifting theme. My Sunday book for the past few months has been “Both Things Are True,” by Kate Holbrook. This collection of essays explores a range of topics, including faith, forgiveness, women’s roles, trials, history, and more. Each chapter contains a dichotomy that fuels the discussion. For example, the chapter on forgiveness explores both the concepts of forgetting and remembering. Last Sunday, I began reading the chapter entitled "The Weight of Legacy," in which she discusses the dichotomy ...

Lyme Disease??

Let me just preface this by saying that I am soooo grateful for good health insurance. I have been to the Dr. for the kids lately so often, that I am embarrassed that they recognize our family when we walk in the door. So, here's Ricky's story. A couple of weeks ago he was extremely sick. He had a fever for over a week, complained that he couldn't move his legs, and ended up with an awful looking rash all over his body. We went to the Dr. 2 times for this. The first time, she said, it was a virus and it should run its course. When Ricky was getting worse, instead of better, we took him back in to a quick clinic where the nurse diagnosed him with strep (even though the short test was negative). Well, after a priesthood blessing and antibiotics (which we discovered later that he didn't even need to take--and in fact they may have made him feel worse), he got better. Then, last week, I discovered a new, crazy rash on his legs which continued to grow, turn purple on the in...

The Mergenthaler Family

Search This Blog