July 21, 2023, Letters from the Nest
https://lettersfromthenest.substack.com/p/pencil-me-in
Do you have stress dreams? You know, those dreams where your brain takes an everyday, real-life worry, like being unprepared for a big exam, and expands it into a ridiculous, unovercomeable (not a word, but it is a word in my world) feat. In a stress dream, not only would you be unprepared for the big exam, but maybe you’d get lost on the way, or your pen or pencil wouldn’t write, or after every page you complete, you turn to find another page, or you are accused of cheating even though you get all the problems wrong. You know, worst case scenario on top of worst case scenario.
I’ve wondered why my brain does this. Is it so that I wake up from nightmares to my “normal” stress and feel relieved? Because, that does NOT happen. Or maybe it’s so that when life does spiral out of control, I don’t freak out. Who knows why my brain thinks I need to be prepared for such emergencies as thirty unexpected dinner guests at 2 a.m., or a cluster of giant, aggressive and intelligent spiders emerging from my fireplace to take over my home.
Well, one Sunday, I experienced something that I honestly could not tell if it was a stress dream or real life. I texted my friend, “Is this real?” She said, “It’s real, and you’ll do great.” I said, “That’s the same thing you would probably say in my dreams.”
Our church building is a twenty-minute drive from our house (fifteen if I risk speeding tickets and I don’t get stuck behind a tractor or biker or reaction-delayed older person). Our meetings start at noon. So, to guarantee our prompt and reverent arrival, we tell our kids to be ready to load up the car around 11:30 a.m.
On this particular Sunday morning (okay, most Sunday mornings lately), I was mid-shower at 11:30 a.m. when my uplifting gospel-study podcast was interrupted by a phone call, which I did not answer.
As I dried myself off and decided which dress would best be well-suited for sitting on the floor during the second hour with the four-year-old class (for which I had just barely figured out a lesson), Rick knocked on the door.
“You missed a phone call from Brother Butler.”
“I was in the shower.”
“I told him. He said their speakers for sacrament meeting can’t come and they’re wondering if you can speak.”
“Me?”
“I told them I could do it, but I think they’ve felt inspired to ask you.”
I look at the clock on my phone. We really should be getting in the car to go. I’m dressed, but my hair is dripping, and I’m not wearing makeup. Speak in sacrament meeting? Which starts in twenty-five minutes? Even though it felt unreal, I also felt an undertone of peace. “Okay. I’ll let him know to pencil me in.”
That’s when I texted my friend. “Is this real?”
Our church is run by volunteers. We act on assignment, even invitation because we can choose to say no. But it’s often in our best interest to choose to say yes. Let this Sunday stress-dream-come-true be an example.
Because I had no time to prepare, and more importantly, because the Holy Spirit helped me know what to say and what I needed to learn in that moment, this is more or less how my talk went:
I started by rehearsing what you just read and told how, even with the last-minute call, I did have quiet moments to prepare, but the only inspiration I received over and over was, Fear not.
I could have highlighted a few key scriptures as my 16-year old drove us to church. But no specific scriptures were forthcoming. The Spirit whispered, Enjoy the ride.You’ll be okay.
I could have made a few notes on my phone about my thoughts on repentance and the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ during the administration of the sacrament, but it didn’t seem right to capture those thoughts even though I was sure my nervousness would lead to forgetfulness. The Spirit reminded me, Be at peace.Trust me.
Since I was the closing speaker, I could have taken notes and made connections to the other two speakers’ messages, but, again, I resisted the urge to pull out my phone. I’ll help you know what to say in the moment.
I would not have been able to accept such an assignment or deal with such uncertainty years ago. I used to be terrified of speaking in front of people. In my teens, I avoided oral presentations even if it mean a failing grade on my otherwise straight-A record. One of the first things that I found attractive in my husband was his ability to articulate his testimony in front of a congregation on short notice. As a newlywed, I wrote in my journal about my longing to rid myself of this fear. I wished to not only proclaim my testimony boldly, but also to articulate in such a way that people would be inspired by the power of my words rather than distracted by my nervousness.
And now, here I am. Living what could be considered a nightmare, but I’m choosing to view it as an unexpected opportunity for growth, and I’m doing okay.
Life is full of unexpected challenges. There are the big ones like serious illness, death of a loved one, political unrest, or natural disaster. These bigger challenges accompany the other daily stresses like being asked to serve in a position that feels beyond your ability, handling conflict in personal relationships, or processing disappointment.
By facing those challenges with the help, comfort, and guidance of the Holy Spirit, I have experienced growth. I have become a difference person than I was last week, last year, or ten years ago.
Some of those challenges seemed unsurpassable and were certainly more heartbreaking and painful than a stressful dream about a last-minute request to speak in church. But the principle for success remains the same. When I trusted God, and gathered peace, confidence, and power to endure and heal from the Atonement of Jesus Christ, I have been transformed.
This Gospel of Jesus Christ is a gospel of change. In church settings, we often use the word repentance. Change can’t happen without pressure, conflict, or challenge of some sort. The Atonement of Jesus Christ is the vehicle for change.
God knows us and loves as as we were, as we are now, and as we will become. He knows where the gaps are. He loves us anyway. He knows what we’re avoiding, what we hide from, what we wish we could do. He knows our intentions. He loves us for all of it and His purpose is to help us achieve the best. If we can understand His pure love for us and trust Him through the unexpected circumstances of our lives, we have limitless potential to become better than we can even imagine.
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