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Turning it Over

 Sharing Stewardship, Letters From the Nest, August 18, 2023

https://lettersfromthenest.substack.com/p/turning-it-over

Your dad and I were barely adults when we became parents. We wanted to start our family. We were ready. I mean, we read some books and had stuff like onesies and diapers. We made plans, financial and otherwise. But when we put the first of you mini Mergs in a car seat and drove from the hospital home, I thought somebody would stop us. We were just babies with a baby, for goodness sake! I couldn’t believe the hospital staff trusted us to take this tiny, perfect, vulnerable thing home. Like, on our own. Like, forever. No givebacks. No returns.

As days turned into weeks, our stewardship began to weigh on me. I was a mom. I would never not be a mom again. I was responsible for the care and nurture of this little being, no matter how exhausted, sick, or overwhelmed I became. The day-in/day-out neediness of a newborn is an impossible solo task. It’s a good thing I had a loving partner, parents, in-laws, and friends who helped to carry the weight. Even so, turning our baby girl over to the care of others frightened me. Did they even know how to hold a newborn? What if she cried? Did they understand the difference between a pain cry and a hunger cry? Would they remember to wash their hands? Do they have everything they need to care for her? If they didn’t have what they needed or know what to do, would they ask, or would they fake it and cause irreparable damage?


The great irony of being a parent is that you’re given a child with the expectation that you will responsibly provide for their needs. At first, the needs are mostly physical, but they expand to include emotional, spiritual, and social development as the child grows and becomes more independent. As the primary caregiver, you are their primary source of need fulfillment, but can you realistically provide for absolutely everything? What if your kid turns out to have a natural talent for art, and your best work is stick figures? What if your three-year-old follows his big brother jumping like Superman from the top of the bunk bed, breaking his femur, and you don’t have the expertise to set his leg? 


As a good steward, you recognize the call to widen your child’s care circle for their good and yours. They will benefit from outsiders with specific skills to nurture their talents, heal injuries, model positive habits, and provide enriching experiences. It is humbling to know you can’t do it all, but also a relief.


Over the past 24 years, I have had much practice turning over stewardship to trusted helpers--medical experts, teachers, grandparents, and close friends. Even with practice, it doesn’t get much easier. I still question, do they even know how to care for my child? Will they understand their emotional outbursts and do what they can to ease their pain? Will they be responsible? Do they have everything they need? If they don’t know what to do, will they seek answers or fake it and possibly cause irreparable damage?


This particular month, August of 2023, is exceptional for being a month of turning over. One of you is getting married. One of you is transitioning from living at home to living on the opposite side of the country with trustworthy friends. One of you is serving a church mission in the Southern hemisphere. One of you is starting therapy with a new clinician. Some of you are starting a new school year with new teachers.

My stewardship as a mother is different now than when you were newborns. You have more significant people who provide you with enriching and probably challenging experiences. I know from my life that some interactions with outsiders will be painful. Not every relationship will be enriching. Sometimes people will not care for you well. They will not be understanding or responsible. They might cause damage. This is hard to think about.


Above all, God is the one person I know 100 percent worthy and willing to share in my stewardship when I know I’m not enough. He is the ultimate source of healing and enrichment. He is the perfect parent that knows our needs perfectly and will provide for them in the best way possible. I can trust that His Spirit will let me know my part in your lives and let others know their part as well. And if you’re open to it, He will have a part too.

So, I turn it over with trust in Him. And you. And me. And them. It will all work out.






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